Self-perception and self-care are huge. And hugely problematic.
So a friend once asked me: “How do I reach someone who is so immersed in their story? There is so much pain there, so much challenge with self-care. Always defaulting to what others need: I wish for a key to unlock their potential.”
My first thought? We are all immersed in our own stories.
The key is becoming consciously aware of that story, being aware of the options, and making the best choices among them. Not everything in my own story is optional—I am male, of a certain age, from a certain family. But how I view myself, how I treat myself, how I treat others (and allow them to treat me) are things that I can choose.
Now this is my challenge as well, although I am working with religious beliefs: how do I reach readers, Christian and non-Christian, who are immersed in a particular view of Christianity?
In this pursuit I begin with myself: Why do I want to reach readers?
Well, I am proposing “another Christian option” because my life has been transformed through this option—transformed by my experiences and understandings that stem from encountering God as love and truth—and I have fallen in love both with this God and with the self I am becoming in being loved by God (and loving God in return).
Really then, I write for me, and I do so because I cannot but write: I am filled with wonder, joy, peace, and goodness through this relation. Yet because this state of being is excessively abundant I also write for others—for love of the love that I have.
So why not just talk about my experiences—why not “spill the beans” and be done?
First, in order for personal sharing to cultivate life and not alienation there must be authentic relationship between parties. In other words, openness requires trust. Second, although my experiences were powerfully transformative they may not apply to everyone. So by generalizing my experiences I broaden their application. Third, experience alone was not sufficient for my transformation but was accompanied by new (and better) understandings of myself, my fellows, the earth, and God.
In the first instance, where my goal is to revel in the life that I have received and to propose that life to others, I must show that I actually know some true things about life! As my mentor puts it, to be credible Christians must first prove that they are real people—that they live in the real world and can offer real solutions to real problems. Christian platitudes—no matter how theologically accurate—are insufficient (and so untrustworthy).
Trust requires a way that does not alienate (a specialty of the evangelical church, sadly): it requires instigating and promoting dialogue. Dialogue is essential because it a) not only lets the other be herself but encourages such, and b) understands that transformation is not submission of one’s intellect, will, etc., but embrace. And this takes time. Dialogue assumes a dialogue partner who is there for the duration of the discussion.
In the second instance, my orientation is not to prescribe a recipe (“do like me and it will all work out”) but to describe a path: I want to generalize my experience so that it can best be understood and appropriated. To do so I cannot ask others to “be like me” but instead offer general possibilities and sketch general modes of being that others can embrace for and as themselves which may yet be better options—more true and beautiful—than what they had before.
In the third instance, because these new understandings apply to God and human existence, they find their best expression through a combination of theology and philosophy. So in addition to understanding the Bible better (through sound interpretation and exegesis) we must examine and interpret life well, which is the domain of philosophical hermeneutics.